Testimony From an Ex-People Pleaser

As an ex-people pleaser what are the lessons I have learnt?

I have learnt that it is ok not to be perfect, in fact that it is perfectly acceptable to be totally imperfect. Come to my house and there will be days where my home will be lovely and tidy. Other days some will spot a bit of dust there and a spot of fluff somewhere else, guess what? I dont care.

Some days I will be perfectly groomed, hair and make up done just right. Other days I will look a fright, my hair frazzled, my face au-naturel, a proper mess, guess what? I dont care.

My cakes flop in the middle, my home made bread was so hard that a chainsaw wouldn't have sliced it, guess what? I dont care.

I love to sing really loud. I have a voice where the birds fall out of the trees in shock and where dogs howl that it is the end of the world, guess what? I will sing anyway. I dont care.

My figure is not perfect in fact at times it wobbles like jello, guess what? You guessed it I dont care.

I dont care what you think of me. I don't care if you love me or loathe me. Does that shock you? Or intimidate you? Or dont you care either? Good! That is the key that will set you free.

The thing I have learnt is that the only person I can change is me. I cannot change YOU nor do I wish to, that job belongs to you solely. If you are meanspirited and spiteful, go on your way I wont be joining you. Your baggage is your own I will not carry it for you, go in peace but GO.

I do not spend time with people who gossip, who run me down, or slander others. They are toxic personalities. These gossipers are mere joy stealers. Do not steal anothers joy, create your own. If that is impossible, dont let me stop you. Go, you are not wanted here.

If another takes offense over an innocent statement I have made and despite my explanations to the contrary they persist in being oversensitive. It has then become THEIR problem it is no longer mine and I dont allow it to become mine. Oversensitivity is simply pride dressed up as false humility. Leave my orbit, go in peace.

I respect who I am, if you cannot share the same respect then leave. If I need my faults and failings shown to me I'll alert the media. Be on your way.

When I make mistakes I will sincerely apologise. If that is not accepted then the onus is on YOU. Enjoy your guilt trip..alone.

I know that at times I will be hurt but that is a part of loving. It is the price one pays to keep one's heart open, compassionate and honest. I refuse to walk the road of bitterness or wear the crown of victimhood. The power for others to hurt me lay WITHIN me, NOT them.

At times I will also hurt others that is unavoidable and comes with the human condition. I am sorry for words or actions that have caused another to suffer. Let us make peace. If the peace offering is refused then I will not settle for a 'false peace' where words lay unspoken and hearts are turned to ice.

If you are one to measure your kindness, love and forgiveness. Making sure you dont give away too much then please don't include me. Keep your rationed love for yourself there is so little of it.

The best gift I gave to myself was to be ME, blunt, honest, plain common sense, compassionate, simplistic, humorous, frayed, frazzled and slightly cracked around the edges.

If people cannot accept me as I am then, guess what? I dont care. Go in peace.

The key to is to care for others without relying on their opinion for your own self worth. Be responsible, be caring but be prepared to move on.

In the end are we here to please people or to please God? Because you cannot please both.

"Remember, it isn't the snake bite

that does the serious damage;

it's chasing the snake

that drives the poison to the heart."