Marriage Is Hell

That's what Hollywood will have you think.

Why do so many films portray marriages as two seperate savages sharing the same house?

Wives are portrayed as brittle, hysterical and bored. While the men are seething volcanoes of disconent. This portrayal of marriage has been going on for years in film and I am getting tired of it.

From 'American Beauty' and 'Little Children' to the new film 'Revolutionary Road,' these films make the great jump that marriages don't work and that most married people are miserable and walk around with painted on smiles.

The real message that is missing in these films is the search for authentic happiness and it is not to be found through someone else. In other words if you are discontented, unhappy and unfulfilled don't think another person can fix the void within yourself. In other words YOU are in charge of how happy you wish to be and that is the truth of it.

One other thing that is missing from these hollywood productions is the spiritual element to marriage. In these films there is none and perhaps that is why these marriages are doomed. The actors portray empty, one dimensional characters whose main focus is to highlight what is wrong in their marriage rather than what is going right, with the emphasis being on self fulfillment to the detriment of everyone else.

Does Hollywood have it right? Are most married people miserable malcontents who feel deprived rather than privileged?

My own belief is that this is merely another way for Hollywood to marginalise the Institution of Marriage itself and I wonder what impact these films make on teenagers?

Isn't it time for those who DO enjoy a wonderful married life to speak up or as the case maybe to blog up and tell the world that though most marriages take a lot of work, it is worth it in the end and the blessings far outweigh the minuses.

Lisa has written an excellent piece on the joys of a large family. Please do read it. Click here.

What do YOU think?

Written by Marie

When Love Dies & Lust Begins

When two people marry they do so because they love one another, but, very few people realise the cost it will be to themselves. Both sides expect the other to 'make them happy' without realising that happiness and contentment springs from within. No one person can bring you happiness that is something you give to yourself.

If you have low self esteem and feel unworthy to be loved, this abnormal view of yourself will affect not only you, but your partner as you lay the onus on your spouse to provide what is lacking within yourself. This is the heaviest burden one can lay on another and is the quickest way to the divorce courts.

Your spouse is not God, he or she cannot heal your inner wounds and brokeness, only God can do that. To expect your spouse to fill the void that lay within your soul is to expect the impossible. You are setting yourself and your marriage on the road to disaster.

The only Being who can heal your soul is God. Only God can make you whole.

When we look at past generations we wonder why the divorce ratio wasn't as high as it is today, and what made things then so different? Back in earlier times there wasn't the gratuitous sex and lust which the generation of today are inundated with. In days gone by the most popular TV shows were 'I Love Lucy' or 'The Honeymooners', then came 'The Walton's or 'Happy Days'. Television back then promoted the Sanctity of marriage while still being able to gain good ratings, mainly because it was the audience who dictated what was acceptable to them. What has happened between then and now?

The difference between the generations is what we have allowed to occur as the morals we once held dear become passé and promises become conveniently forgotten. What truly lies at the heart of infidelity though is selfishness, as a person seeks their own self gratification and pays no heed to the pain this will cause their entire family unit. The focus has become SELF centered rather than self GIVING and it is this that lay at the heart of the unfaithful spouse.

Through the onslaught of TV and the internet where television serials become more and more graphic leaving nothing to the imagination and where the internet can cause great harm. Still the responsibility over what people watch or do not watch is for each of us to decide. Therefore we are responsible and will be held accountable if we choose to immerse ourselves in activities that we know to be sinful.

In these days of blaming society for everything we leave out personal accountability. No one is holding a gun to the head of those who, despite their religious upbringing, continue to pursue acts which they know to be outside the Law of God. It is way too convenient to simply lay the blame for personal choices on the media or the internet as if the person were not at fault. Though there may be more temptation in the world now than what our grandparents had to endure, does that exonerate an entire generation from choosing to sin? We are responsible for the choices we make and as the Bible says when something causes you to sin then pluck it out. If you cannot resist the temptation to sin on the internet then stop using it. If television serials causes you to sin then turn the TV off.

Be careful of the choices you make lest your children pay the price for YOUR mistakes!

Written by Marie

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad !!

A wedding is an event, but a marriage is an achievement.

As two souls journey through life together they come to learn the capacity of the human heart.

That’s my folks on their wedding day.Today my parents celebrate their 36^th Wedding Anniversary. In today’s world, that’s like they have been married for eternity. Has it been an easy road, no but they have stuck together through the good times and the bad times. I have learned a lot from watching how they interact with each other, the way they treat each other and it gives me hope. Hope in a world where marriage, true marriage, between a man and a woman, has become so casual, so abnormal, deemed a nuisance and burden and a guarantee that it will end in divorce court. Thanks to them I am looking forward to getting married and having a family. I know it is not going to be easy but it’s a beautiful vocation.

To sum up their 36 years : Love and marriage have nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it’s what you are expected to give – which is everything.

God bless you two,
Mom and Dad.
Happy Anniversary!

To My Beloved

To my beloved,

I think it is important for me to write this to you now. We don’t know each other yet so we both have time to think about and make choices that will affect our future. You are so very important to me. It’s so amazing to think and know that God has already chosen us for each other. That’s just awesome! I can’t wait to meet you. I have to be patient because I know it will happen in His perfect timing. Until that time I will think of you and pray for you. I hope that you are thinking of me and praying for me also because we both need each others prayers.

There is so much that I want to tell you, I want to share my dreams and fears with you. I want to trust you to really listen to and care about all I say. I want to respect you and I want you to respect me. I want your goodness to touch my heart. I want us to recognize the goodness in each other. I want to love you and I want you to love me. I want to be your wife. I want to be your most intimate friend, cherished and the most important person in your life. I want your tenderness and affection, your kindness and your strength. I want you to know that I will be there for you when you feel happy and on top of the world and will be there when your spirit is crushed. I want to feel protected and secure in your love, trusting you at all times. I want you to feel safe with me and never to be afraid or ashamed to talk about your fears and weaknesses. I want to encourage you to stand up for your beliefs and always to do what is right. I want to stand beside you as we go through life together.

Someone told me that I need to know what is important to me and have some “major” requirements when it comes to selecting my spouse. It makes it that much easier for me to recognize you when we finally meet. I want you to know God, love Him above all else and keep Him first in our lives at all times. I see families that are so happy and joyful where God is at the center. I know how important God is and I want our family to be happy. We cannot do it without God.

We need to both be honest. Without trust and honesty a marriage cannot survive. We will spend many hours talking and getting to know each other, sharing our feelings, thoughts, dreams and fears. I want us to be comfortable with each other so comfortable that we can share our deepest feelings.

The next thing is unselfishness. I have much to learn in this area but I want us both to be unselfish and to teach our children to be unselfish too. We can’t only think of ourselves, we have to be willing to help anyone we can. We have to be willing to make sacrifices for one another and for our children. We have to be willing to love one another, its not going to be easy, we will have our differences but unless we are committed to a lifetime of unselfish loving, our marriage won’t succeed.

When I think about us getting married there is so much more to it than the pretty wedding dress, the flowers and the party. The wedding dress, I think about it a lot and what it represents to me. The beauty of the white fabric symbolizes the purity of the bride. That’s the symbol I want it to be to you. I cherish the gift of my virginity so that it will be a pure and holy gift to you. The softness of the fabric is like the tenderness I want to show and give to you. I want a long train, it represents the blanket of prayer, love and support I want to give to you and our children. To me, getting married means ‘til death do us part’, sharing the rest of my life with you, growing old together. Living each and everyday to the fullest, loving each other when we don’t feel like loving each other, growing and learning from the good and bad times. I want to be your wife, and I want you to be my husband. Neither of us will ever be the perfect spouse, but we can strive to please God and do His will.

I look forward to the day we find out that we are going to become parents, the life we are going to enjoy with our children. I know we are going to have our share of trials. Through these trials we will grow when our commitment and love are put to the test, we will get through them and be stronger, wiser and deeper in love. With prayer and the support and guidance of good friends we will become the man and woman God created us to be.

I know you are going to be my biggest cheerleader always encouraging me. I know that you are not perfect, no one is but I do know that you will be the perfect spouse for me chosen by God. I know that you are going to be a support spiritually, emotionally and financially. Having lots of things won’t make us happy, it’s the time we spend together enjoying the little things in life. I want our children to know and understand that having ‘things’ does not mean that they will be happy. I want them to know that everything they have been blessed with comes from God and want them to help others however and whenever they can.

I am waiting for you and I hope you are waiting for me. I want us both to do what is right. I want to share myself with you. The beautiful gift of our sexuality has been cheapened by the world. Our sexuality is sacred, I want us to always remember this. The awesome power of God to unite a man and woman in the sexual union in marriage and be the source of our greatest blessing, our children is so awe-inspiring yet humbling. I want us to never to lose that sense of awe and reverence for these wonderful gifts God created for married couples. We will always have God’s best when we do things His way.

I just wanted to tell you all this now because it’s on my mind. I think about you a lot. I hope and pray that we will be strong to reject the false teachings of the world. You are so important to me, our marriage, our children, our life together are important to me.

So my beloved know that I am out there and really do exist. Pray for me and please wait for me. I am waiting for you.

The Surrended Wife-Does It Work?

I read an extract in a magazine about a new book called 'The Surrended Wife..'. The book is how one woman transformed her unhappy marriage into a blissfully happy one by becoming agreeable to her husband at all times.

I read the article and can see the benefits in that over the years and due to the feminist movement(which is Anti-woman) the roles between men and women which were once clearly defined have now become so blurred that men feel confused and frustrated that nothing they do seems right.

The basis of the book is that wives become totally submissive to their husbands, they no longer quarrel even if the husband is wrong, the wife simply stays silent, rather than correct her husband. The book also suggests that a wife be always agreeable to her husband when he is in the mood for sex, the wife is never to say no, irrespective of her mood.

Even though this sounds good in theory I wonder just how practical it is in real life? Even though the author of the book Laura Doyle says she practices what she is writing about, I have to wonder how feasible this idea is in this modern world we all inhabit?

For instance I have Christian friends who also lead traditional 'the male is the sole provider' philosophy. Larry worked in a factory on a minimum wage, his wife, Sally was a stay at home Mum of 4 children all under 12 years. Three of their children were in private school, which was very costly. I saw over the years how Larry grew more and more tired, while Sally made do with what she could on such a low income. At the end of the week their children would have cereal for their evening meal, simply because they had run out of food and had to wait for Larry's pay day. This placed a terrible burden on Larry's shoulders, and though Sally was a very good & thrifty housewife, still life was difficult. Then oneday Sally bought a large bag of dried apricots in order to make jams, tarts etc. When Larry found out that the cost was $20 he lost his temper and reminded Sally that ' it is MY money, you're spending' did this make Larry a horrible person? No! He was simply exhausted, being the sole provider for a large family was becoming too much.

Not long after Larry's statement Sally got a part time job as a cleaner from 6PM to 9PM. I saw with my own eyes how much this helped their particular family unit, Larry's furrowed brow was now gone replaced by a non worried loving husband and father. Their family roles did not change in that Larry remained as Head of the Home while Sally was his helpmate in life both as wife and also in sharing the financial burden.

I wondered what different generations would think of this book, and its message? Should ALL wives be stay at home Mum's? Or should they share the financial burden of supporting their families?

Should wives be so totally submissive to their husbands, never being able to express an opinion that differs from their husbands? Or would the husband find this boring?

Let me know what you think of this particular lifestyle? Is it viable? Or too stifling? And do men really want stepford wives?