Thursday, February 12, 2009

Waiting For Cake With Icing

I don’t know if people realize how difficult it is to be celibate and single in a sex-crazed society. Almost everyone who is privy to this information thinks that something has gone horribly wrong with me, some think I hate men, or I’m hurt and afraid or just downright cold.

Why it is so hard for people to understand or believe that I have decided to look for something more than a casual, fake relationship. How many people are in "relationships" and still feel incredibly lonely? You know in your heart that this isn’t who or what you are looking for, but you just don’t want to be alone, sleep alone and want to have someone to show off to the world.

Sitting back I really can understand why so many people live like they do accepting a watered down version of what love should be. Love has been commercialized. To show someone you love them means that you have to spend an arm and a leg. What is termed 'romantic music' are mostly songs about sex, how to seduce a woman and how to get away with unfaithfulness, its no wonder why love is treated the way it is. Sex has become so casual that it has lost its meaning and its reason for being. Unfaithfulness is seen as multitasking, everyone does it.

I understand that there is much more to a "relationship" than the physical and sexual aspects, maybe that’s what so many just don’t get. I do get lonely, but it sure does beat beating myself up over something that lacks foundation with somebody who is equally unfulfilled. I don’t believe in there being a Mr. Perfect, I believe that there is the perfect man for me and I believe God will let me know. When asked about my lifestyle I get the pitying looks, "It doesn’t work that way and if you are not careful you will end up sad and alone." Then there is the "everyone cheats so just accept that that’s the way it is." Or the saddest of them all "there is no such thing as true love, its all nonsense."

So if I go by what everyone tells me, I should ‘be with’ someone which means living in sin even though I may know in my heart that this particular man is not the one I love, there is the pressure to simply 'be with' someone. What is society saying to me, that to live with anyone is better than living alone? Is it because some people think time is running out? 25 and the clock is against me, imagine that!

The first couple years may be okay because of the ‘novelty’ of it all, have a child when the time is right. But because the relationship was not built on the right foundation, my partner would start being unfaithful not only because that’s just the way it is but because I look ‘tired’ after having a child. By the time the child is enrolled in school, I’ll be tired of begging my partner to notice me and the emptiness will be harder to ignore, so I’ll probably start having affairs or maybe I’ll just spend my days trying to fix everything that is wrong with me so he will love me. Maybe we will split up or maybe we will stay together for the sake of the children.

This way of life may work in soap operas but not in real life. Society teaches us what happens to many single parent households and that is not something I want for myself or for any child that God may bless me with. I want more. I deserve more.

Misery does love company. What an awful fate. The majority of people encouraging me jump on the boat are living the life I have outlined above. I don’t want to end up alone but why would I want that?

I don’t think I’m perfect, I treat people as I would like to be treated. I consider each guy that comes into my life not only as my potential spouse but as someone else’s. Maybe someone is doing the same for me. Call me the eternal optimist, but I don’t want the batter, I want the cake with icing.