Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Single...not sad, empty and alone

Why is it that when you tell someone you are single you get the ‘I’m so sorry to hear that’ and the ‘pity look’? It’s as if there is something wrong with being single almost as if it’s a curse. Who says single has to mean sad, empty and alone?

Yes it’s true that some singles put their focus on the fact that they are single and end up unhappy, dissatisfied and looking for meaning in their lives. Many even wait until they are in a relationship to live the kind of life they want and do the things they love to do. Life happens now, today, and is not a dress rehearsal for when you have a relationship. When you want to participate in life, but stop yourself because you are single, you stifle your spirit. You accumulate resentments for your single hood at the universe and at the opposite sex, because not being in a relationship stops you from living your chosen life.

The first step to being single and happy is to be happy with you. If you are happy with who you are then it won’t matter what other people say or think. Being single can be lonely at times but it does not mean that I am alone. And on those rainy days thank God that I have loving and supportive people in my life. I’m not afraid to do my favorite activities by myself. People sometimes wonder what’s wrong with me, how can I go to the movies or to the beach by myself. I mean why not, do I have to wait until I’m in a relationship to enjoy the things I love and to enjoy life and be happy? Nay I say!

My being single is not some sort of a punishment from God because of some sin of mine. I’m not an incomplete being, I’m not lacking because I’m single. For me, when I focus on a ‘sense of lack’ in my life, I feel as though I am carrying a void, a hollow that I sometimes think may never be filled. Being married is no guarantee for that emptiness to be filled, having a spouse does not equal happiness. Expecting a spouse to fill a void and make you happy is setting oneself up for unhappiness and placing some high and unfair expectations on the spouse.

Don’t get me wrong, not a day goes by without me thinking I want to be a wife and mother, marriage and children are a natural longing but I was not made to be broken and only made whole in marriage. My heart and my being were made to expand to fit the love that will fill them. What I have to be is open and willing to complement my future husband and be complemented by him, like a lock and key. It will require a sense of vulnerability, allowing him to become a part of me and let myself be a part of him. This however does not require me to walk around with an empty storage cabin for my spouse there is room enough for him, there is love enough for him.

I have to live life today and now, love the people in my life today and now. Borrowing the words of St. Francis, it is in giving that we receive. For me to hold back on living and loving would be a loss to me and for others for I would never know how much of anything I have unless I give it away. I have to be generous in everything. How would I know what real love is unless I love? How would I know what it means to live unless I live?

So yes I am single, I’m not being punished, I’m not sad, empty, lacking or alone. I live and I love and it is not just as a means of finding a mate. I am grateful for all I have, not bitter about what I don't have and where I am and where I am going. I know that God has a plan for me and in His perfect timing all will fall into place. So I will continue to live, love and laugh today, now, and every day. Carpe Diem!