The Invisibles - The Forgotten and Lonely Elderly

I just got home, spent most of the day with my granmama. I love spending time with her just chatting, listening to how things use to be when she was growing up and listening to advice on everything from cooking to my relationships or lack thereof. I don’t know what it is but there is something about granmama’s cooking that is so special, I’m a good cook but when granmama cooks the same thing its just over the top so much better. It must be all the love that she puts into everything she does.

I was talking to her about this clip I saw on the news, this caretaker of an elderly bed-ridden man was caught on video beating him about the body. It made me so mad, this poor defenseless man was being abused, nothing he did could justify what was being done to him. The family of this man was spending a lot of money for what they believed to be good care for him.

This really got me thinking as to why so many persons, young and the not so young seem to take the elderly for granted. Its no wonder that so many people especially women spend so much money trying to remain young for fear that when they get old they will be forgotten by their families, friends and society. It’s sad enough the thought of having to put ones parents or grandparents in a nursing home, even more difficult the thought that you think you are doing what is best, getting them the care they need and you cannot give only to find out that they are being ill treated.

But what is even worse to me is how society views the elderly. They are seen as burdens and people have little or no patience with them, not their children, grandchildren and the entire society in general. I don’t like visiting homes for the aged because I end up breaking down in tears when I see how lonely the people are, not because they have no family but because their families have forgotten them, they have no time to come visit them.

I see it in church how people don’t want to sit next to old people, it’s as if you were to sit next to them something would happen to you. You go to the grocery store and see them struggling to reach for something on the shelves and no one offers to lend them a helping hand. They are walking too slow on the sidewalks or in the stores and we get irritated, impatient, annoyed and yell some hurtful comments at them. These are people, they are somebody’s mom and dad, they are your mom and dad, our grandparents and aunts and uncles, and if some of us don’t realize it, that’s us somewhere down the road!

Don’t we remember that these are the people who took care of us, sacrificed for us, loved us. We rush past them without smiling, without acknowledging them, they are worse than forgotten, they have become invisible. We don’t extend a hand to them during the Sign of Peace during Mass, we don’t even tell them good morning or goodnight as the case may be. Gone are the days where my granmama was your granamama too, where we looked out for all our granmamas, for all the elderly persons.

I’m twenty four and I love spending time with my granmama, not only cause whenever you go over you are sure to get some sort of delicious treat but I enjoy being with her. She has so much wisdom to pass on, all the tips and tricks about how to use vinegar in water so that your windows wont have any streaks or adding some vinegar to the wash so the clothes wont wrinkle much, to how to knead bread dough just enough and with that special touch that just makes really good homemade bread. She has so much love to give not just to her family but to everyone she meets. I love to watch my granmama cuddle with a newborn baby, the baby just knows he is in the arms of someone who loves them, they are at ease and they at peace.

Not many people my age would be willing to be spend time with their grandparents far less to be seen with them. I have no problem taking my granmama where she needs to go or running errands for her, it’s the least I can do for her. I get annoyed with my cousins who are so ‘busy’ that they cant find just a couple minutes to come see her, to give her a call to find out how she is doing, just to let her know that they are thinking of her and that they care about her. However once granmama plans a big meal you can bet every one of her grandkids are going to show up but lately even that is not a given. Why do we forget about the elderly? Some people think that to hate someone is the worst thing you could do to them but hate shows that there is some sort of emotion. To be indifferent, to forget someone, to not really listen to someone is far worse.

So I throw this out to everyone, the young the not so young, the older ones who are still fully independent, think about that elderly man or woman you rush on by almost knocking them over in your haste. Think about the elderly person struggling to reach something on the shelf up above or something lower down. Think about the elderly person who has no one to run any errands for them and has to do it themselves. While it may seem as though they are keeping us back because they are taking so long to decide which tube of toothpaste to get and blocking us from getting a tube of toothpaste, when you get old things just take longer to do and are harder to do. Walking is painful, lifting stuff is so much more difficult, its harder to see things and with so many brands to choose from, it confuses them and its hard to choose a brand when you have so many to select from and only so much money to spend.

Let’s face it we are all going to get old, that could be you or me one day, that could be our parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. Is this what we want for them, what we want for ourselves? So please be patient with them, acknowledge them with a smile and not with a frown that says ‘you are bugging me’, embrace them, love them, please love them. They may be old but they are still 100% human and deserve to be treated with, love, respect and patience.